it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
