dude i'm inner monologue high
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
