nut hugger
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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