Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
