Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
