Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
