Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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