trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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