She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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