remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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