Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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