if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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