Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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