she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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