I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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