I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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