Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
