I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
