K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
