Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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