Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
