Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
