Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
