He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
