We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
