I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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