I got chris browned last night
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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