When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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