You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
