yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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