you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
