Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
