hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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