how can u be prego again
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
