i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
