you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
