tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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