dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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