We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
