you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
