This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
