That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
