haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you inspire me to be a worse person
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
