we made out on top of his cat.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
