Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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