I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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