wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
