Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
