Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
