Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
